I can not understand this,surely we should give back the love and protection they gave us when we needed it
It's not always possible. Due to my father's mental & physical state, we could not provide the medical care he required at home. My mother is still in her home with family members living there too because she does not require the same extreme level of care.
Yes,that is fine when elderly parents are in reasonable health.But when you have a parent so debilitated by medical conditions that they are unable to walk and unable to do anything at all for themselves,then with great reluctance and sadness,full-time care is the only option. I know,because I've been down that road.
You would think so given that they have taken care of them as an infant and deserve a payback for all their hard work.
Yes they deserve to be treated in the very best manner possible,I can not understand those who would place their Mother or Father in a home simply because it is more convenient for their style of living.
My heart goes out to people who have to make that decision due to mental or physical difficulties. But people who just stick them in there to get them out of the way, I don't understand.
My grandparents had to be put in assisted living because none of their kids had the space, time, money or resources to deal with them. They weren't just dumping my grandparents off some place to die. In an Elderly Home they also have other people they can talk to and become friends with. There is a difference between abandoning the elderly and making frequent vists to their place to care for them love and cherish them.
[ Reply ] | Like (2)
I took care of my mother for many years. She suffered from senile dementia and Alzheimer's after she had a car accident that put her in a wheel chair. Every single caretaker I hired quit within a day or less because my mother was violent and extremely verbally abusive and constantly demanding. No one could take care of her. I was her only child, she had no other relatives and all her friends were old, and I had to work full time to support myself; she was on Social Security and lived in public housing. She was miserable and lonely and angry and crazy, often hitting people or stabbing herself with a knife because she was upset. It was a nightmare. Eventually, when it became clear she needed full time nursing care, I decided to put her in a home. The first home kicked her out after only a few hours because she was so difficult and violent. The second home worked out much better.
For many years, when I took her to psychiatrists, she would lie to them and they believed her. This is common with old folks who have dementia. Eventually, when I put her in a home that was good for her, they observed her over a period of time and were able to force her to see a geriatric specialist psychiatrist. For the first time in years, she got medical help and it made all the difference in the world. She was in place with other old folks and she made friends and wasn't lonely. She had activities that neither I or her many caretakers could not give her; games, singing groups, arts and crafts, music, everything she loved and enjoyed. And the medication the psychiatrist prescribed for her gave her a wonderful 10 years, from the age of 84 to the age she died, at 94. For the first time in many years, her mind cleared enough for she and I to have a wonderful relationship (she was abusive to me when I was a child and for many years she was awful to deal with in many ways). The medications and the nursing care and the environment of a place where she could socialize (she even had boyfriends!) and do things she liked to do made such a positive difference in her life.
I visited her every week, more often when I could. I always looked forward to seeing her. For the first time in years, we had good times together. I took care of her personally as long as I could. There are good homes and bad ones. I put her in a good one. And I do not regret it. If I have any regrets, it was for all the years she was angry, confused, lonely and abusing all her caretakers who could not cope with her. I promise you, if you had spent even one whole hour with my mother before she went into the home, you would most definitely NOT loved and cherished her. Not all old folks can be well cared for at home. Some need special care. And it is not unloving or wrong to make that decision when it is needed.
Clearly you are a loving and caring person and did what was best for your mother,i admire what you did for your Mother,thank you for such a positive response.
They don't always deserve it, my father was a bastard to me growing up, I wouldn't even give him the comfort of an old home, I'd leave him on the street and sleep like a baby the next night without any regrets.
I would even though, I had no love from them. But they died before this was necessary. Hello Gav
I took care of my parents when they got older and were unable to fully care for themselves. But their limitations were all physical so while it was time consuming it was easy to take care of them. I felt like you do they took care of me when I was too young to care for myself so I took care of them when they were no longer able to care for themselves. But sometimes it really can't be avoided. I also cared for my grandfather who had Alzheimer's and in the early stages I was able to keep up with it myself. But when he got into the late stages with all the medical complications and I knew I wans't doing him justice trying to care for him myself I had to put him in a home that specialized in Alzheimer's care. I could see right away that they were doing a much better job than I was able to do so I went to visit him daily and would take him little treats and things to help make him happy. It was a hard decision to put him in the home but it really was the best thing to do for him.
This question can only truly be answered only by those who have suffered through the decline and ultimate deterioration of a loved one . In the case of Alzheimer's , it becomes an impossibility for any loving person to handle without professional assistance. It is an overwhelming burden that sadly can go on for years.
For those who believe it is an obligation for us to care for our parents because they indeed cared for us I cannot help but agree. However, that being said, there comes a time when your own life that your parents worked so hard for you to obtain becomes a nightmare that no parent would knowingly perpetrate on that child.
Every situation is different. You can't assume people are doing the wrong thing unless your living thier life.
"surely we should give back the love and protection they gave us when we needed it"
Aaaaaand if they didn't...?
I will see to it that my parents, when they are unable to care for themselves, are placed somewhere they are cared for and have company.
Aside from that, I want as little to do with them as possible. Why? Because they sucked as parents, and the best thing they could have done for me - but didn't - was not have had me at all.
Because when they have Alzheimer's, a complicated disease, or simply they lose bowel control, it becomes nearly impossible to
- have a life and
- continue to make a living
- and care for one's own family,
- take care of your own health,
unless you get help from these institutions
http://www.experienceproject.com/question-answer/Why-Do-Some-Put-Their-Parents-In-Old-Peoples-Homes-Rather-Than-Taking-Care-Of-Themloving-And-Cherishing-Their-Company/341271
No comments:
Post a Comment